Letters To Alex
by sunnycouger
Summary: Each of the Roswellians take a turn to write down their feelings about Alex: Please note this fic was written before the episode of CYN aired so there is some descrepincies between the show and the fic. AU
1. Love Isabel

A Letter To Alex.Love Isabel  
  
Dear Alex,  
  
Just me again, you'll be sick of hearing from me. How are you doing? Great I bet. I hope. Me? Don't worry about me.I'm fine. Everyone says I'm doing great so I guess I am...doing great that is. Somehow I can tell that you don't believe me..I never could lie to you that well could I? Actually, I haven't been sleeping that well recently. I've been doing a lot of thinking about lots of different things.but mainly about you.  
  
Do you remember that time last year when I showed up at your door and kissed you? Of course you do, I know I do.... I remember I told you that it was so we could "generate" some information. After we kissed you asked if I had seen anything..and I said "nothing" well "nothing relevant" and walked away. I never did tell you what I saw that day did I? I saw everything- everything that mattered.  
  
After that it was a few days later that everything got scary, what with the Michael and me stuff that was going on. I flung myself into our relationship...I wasn't ready then...I wasn't prepared for the feelings I would have. That you would make me have. Can I confess something to you? Just between us? It was scary how you made me feel. You somehow kept melting little holes in my ice princess persona, especially around my heart and that was scary. I know it sounds pathetic but, if you spend a lifetime keeping people on the outside so that you aren't exposed then..when someone manages to squeeze past the barriers it leaves you..vulnerable. It can leave you..scared. I have no idea if you know what I mean..I'm probably not even making sense anymore. It's late; my mom has already been in here 3 times. I know she's worried about me..she knows that my persona is just that. A facade that hides the real me. No one will ever see me like you.  
  
Anyway where was I before I started my little rant? Yeah, it was scary our relationship and that's why I pushed you away. And ran straight towards Grant. Grant was never you, and never could be and that made him "safe" to be with. It also helped that he never knew anything about me..he never knew...me, I guess. How much did I hurt you when I did that? You know that I still hate myself for that, don't you? I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to protect myself. Of course, you handled it well. You went to another continent and got a Swedish girlfriend. When you came back, I was so jealous and, this is going to sound really hypocritical and self obsessed, I was upset that you had met someone else. Now THAT is pathetic don't you think? Can I ask a question and you don't need to answer me, but...did you think of me at all when you were with her? I shouldn't have asked, especially as we're back together now, I mean...you chose me.  
  
You chose me and I chose you. We chose each other. You know I love those words, they say everything about us. Oh damn here's my mom again..be back in a second.  
  
Did I mention that I was going to tell her? Yeah, Max..still doesn't agree but..Valenti knows. I'm pretty sure that Mrs De Luca knows something. Why should my mom be the only one who's kept in the dark? She's been great..especially the last few weeks. I don't know how things would have went if it wasn't for you two...well, I guess you've been a bit M.I.A. not that I'm blaming you. That was the wrong thing to say, please forget that I said that..it was silly and selfish of me. It's just, things were going so well and then you disappear on me. I was so angry to begin with, not with you though, just with..the situation. I think I still am angry. Is that terrible? I don't know anymore...I don't think I know anything anymore.  
  
Hey, I almost forgot. Did you know that Max and Liz got back together? Looks like they finally gained a little bit of perspective huh? Michael and Maria are currently "on" at the moment. I know what you're thinking Alex Charles Whitman.."For how long this time?" right? Well it's been what.4 weeks 3 days since... and they're still going. I figure that maybe they'll try and stick it out this time. I don't think they need another emotional drama at the moment. Kyle and Tess are still working on the "platonic" relationship. That will never last. There is too much chemistry between those two and both of them deserve a little happiness, don't you think? So life for the other Roswell couples are going great. Who says God doesn't work in mysterious ways? God...he certainly has a screwed up concept sometimes doesn't he? I'm sorry, I sound bitter again right? And still angry? It's just..just..sometimes..I don't know what I mean. Things happen for a reason, that's what they said in that film right? You know your "destiny" (I can't believe I just wrote that word!) is planned for you and no matter what decisions you make you will fulfil it at one point. Just sometimes it will be...quicker than if you had made different choices. Do you know what I mean? And no, I'm not talking about the screwed up destiny, I mean..real destiny...the destiny we'll have. Someday.  
  
I was also thinking about the night we got together, do you remember that? Of course you do. It was perfect. One of the few "perfect" nights of my life, I don't know if there will be many more now. Or ever again. I miss you so much Alex.why'd you leave me?  
  
I'm sorry.I'm sorry. I know that I promised not to cry, it's..it's just so hard sometimes. Sometimes, I just miss you too much. Thank you, for everything. For listening to me and providing me a shoulder to cry on. I really need you, I just wish you were here. Here with me, here right now. You read those stories about people coming back all the time..will you do that? Show up at my room door one night and give me that irresistible smile of yours expecting me to run over and hug you? I think I'd break the world land speed record getting over to you. Never mind just hugging you..I'm sure we'd get up to more than that.of course you'd have to fight off my mom and dad. And Max..he'd probably kill you. I can imagine their faces, the shock and Max's insistence that it wasn't real. It would be classic. But it would be worth it; it would be worth everything, if you were back here. Back here with me.  
  
You know what I've been listening to? You'll think this is really needy but I'm going to blame you for it. Can you remember last year during the heatwave..before you knew about us? I visited your dream and I saw you dancing with me. It was the first time I realised how special you were. Anyway, I found the song that "we" danced to that night. It said everything about us then. Now? I think I might have finally "let you in" don't you? If I didn't then it wouldn't hurt as much as it does would it?  
  
Oh oh, that was Max's alarm. That must mean it's 6am. He'll be in just now "to see if I'm ok." I better go and put on my "happy" face and he'll never know. No one will ever know because I won't let them get too close. If the world didn't rely on us I think I'd come to find you but they need my help. I know it would be wrong anyway but I can't help my feelings. I know the pain isn't supposed to last, it's supposed to get better. I think Max blames himself, for not being there, for not getting there in time. In truth? I think at first I blamed him as well. He could save Liz and Kyle why didn't he get there in time? I soon got over that though, he was so hurt and well, I didn't have the energy to blame him.I hurt too much. Do you know when it'll stop hurting? Why did I have to lose you just when things where so good? Why did it have to be you? Why does it have to be forever without you?  
  
As predicted Max is at my door, I'll just shove my makeup on, the benefits of being an alien. I look good, you'd be proud of me...you can't even see the tear tracks or my red eyes now. I practice a smile in the mirror..I've got to look happy for them. They've got to see that "I'm doing great." That I've recovered. That I can live again. There, you see? The "ice princess" persona is actually useful isn't it? I can let them see what they want to no matter how wrong it is.  
  
I better go or he'll barge the door down on me. I'll speak to you tonight again probably. I would never have got through this without you. I promise I'll visit you soon. Please wait for me.  
  
Yours Forever.  
  
Always Isabel  
  
xxx xxx 


	2. Love Maria

A Letter To Alex…Love Maria  
  
AUTHOR: Sunnycouger  
  
E-MAIL ME AT: sunnycouger@yahoo.co.uk  
  
RATING: As low as it gets without being horizontal...we'll say PG for arguments sake but probably lower.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: This is REALLY important people so please read!! This is based on rumours about future episodes but none of it is set in stone. If you don't want to know what these rumours are then I suggest you DON'T read this story. I don't want any of you to be spoiled.  
  
DISCLAIMER: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...  
  
DISTRIBUTION: If you want to put this story on to another site (please do!) will you please, please, PLEASE let me know first. Thanx!  
  
  
  
SPOILERS: Based on rumours about the episodes Cry Your Name and It's Too Late And It's Too Bad. Last chance to not read it if you don't want to know!  
  
Hi Alex,  
  
How's it going? I can't believe I am even writing this, truth be told it's really my mom's idea, I mean come on, this is crazy even for me. She doesn't seem to think I'm handling it that well and I'll admit that at first I couldn't really deal but now? Now I think I'm doing much better…no, I KNOW I'm doing better! Anyway my mother seems to think that I would handle it a little better if I said goodbye and got a little "closure" as she puts it. Between you and me I think she's been watching too many talk shows on how to deal with...crummy life twists that occur. Whatever! So here's my goodbye..the only way I can, in a letter.  
  
Goodbye, that's…such a strange word don't you think? The fact that you won't see anyone again shouldn't be considered "good" should it? The fact that no matter how many times you say it in your life there will never be anything harder to say than when you say it for the last time to someone. When you say goodbye forever. I've never had anything hurt as badly as having to say goodbye to you. How'd we get here Alex? How can things go from being so great to being so unbearable in the space of a minute? I mean, Michael and me were going so well and you and Isabel, well you finally got through to her didn't you? I'd never seen the pair of you so happy. I mean Alex, come on, she was actually giggling at one point..I mean Isabel? Giggling? I know it had taken a while to get through to her but when it happened for the pair of you, it really happened. Love, it's the greatest isn't it? If only it didn't cause so much pain. Michael has been the best though, I mean he has been so great. You'd be surprised, I know you would at how great he's been. You never really wanted me to be with him after the whole Courtney thing did you? You know, he told me what you did that night you found me crying at the Crashdown. You didn't let him get away with hurting me did you? Of course you didn't..you wouldn't let any of "your girls" get hurt. Loyal to a fault. Who's going to look after us now? Who is going to protect me and Liz from our guys screwing us over, who's going to make Isabel and..I guess even Tess, see how much better things are when they let themselves open up to someone? Who can ever replace you? No one, you're irreplaceable. You're too special. There will never be anyone like you!  
  
Don't think that I'm not angry with you though Whitman! I mean...you totally screwed everything up with your "disappearing act". Our nice human to czeck ratio worked REALLY well. You know 8 people split into 3 couples, 1 going to be couple plus 1 human "protector" kinda guy. Now we're stuck, we have 7 people plus 1 human "protector" kinda guy. There's no ratio there...it just shows that the number is...odd. Odd because it shouldn't be like that, it should be..it should've stayed the same. I don't like odd..I don't like that we're different now without you, I want it to be back to normal. I want you here. We all want you here; nothing feels right without you.  
  
Oh god, I cannot believe that I am crying to a stupid letter..don't you dare laugh Alex, it's not funny and I am still mad at you..a little anyway. Do you want to know how the others are doing? Of course you do..besides I've already started to write it so it's too late to stop me. ok...who to start with? Well, I guess it's only fair to start with Liz considering she is our best friend right? Liz, is doing ok I think. She had a hard time dealing with it at first, we all did of course but she..she had a feeling you left something important behind. She still has it and although she doesn't talk to me about it I know that she is still trying to work out how you left..and why. She'll be ok though..she has my "girlfriend" looking after her. Yeah, she and Max got back together..again. Seriously they are getting as bad as me and Michael..you know they break up, they mope, they talk about "destiny", they become "just good friends" and then they get back together before starting the whole thing over again. Max didn't take it well, you know. He blamed himself, he thought he should have been able to do something…he thought he should have been able to "fix" things. No one would have been able to fix it though, no one. As I said before Michael has surprised even me. He has been my support, I wouldn't have handled this nearly as well without him. On a plus note though, him and my mom have finally reached an understanding. My mom now knows that he isn't just using me..she knows that he loves me and that I love him. She said that he's welcome here anytime..obviously as long as it isn't in my room in the middle of the night. Kyle hasn't really talked about his feelings much, he keeps talking about the time you both were captured and you were both singing American Pie? Now, please tell me that it was Kyle's idea…please tell me that you didn't choose that song. I think he's so busy being a rock for Tess that he really hasn't been able to work on his own feelings, it's just sometimes you get a feeling that he doesn't know how to react. His dad didn't take it well either, he figures he should have "looked after" you better. He's been really protective of us all since..since you left. Tess, hasn't been doing that well. You were the first human that she really cared about to di… to leave her. She wasn't prepared for how she would feel when someone who cared about her disappeared. I don't blame her, I've had plenty of people leave but none of them made me feel like this..none of them made me feel so…empty. Isabel took it the worst, obviously, she definitely had it bad for you Alex, who would have thought you would have dated the most popular girl in school? I mean, Liz and me always knew how great you were..but Izzy? I just didn't see it happening. Anyway, she seems to be doing great now, you know she comes to school, makeup perfect and with her usual put-downs to the "lesser beings" of the school. Although Max says that he sometimes hears her crying at night and he doesn't think she's been sleeping that well. I'm sure she's doing ok though..i mean, she's Isabel, untouchable. She's fine.  
  
Oh, I nearly forgot, I've left The Whits. No, I'm not mad, and I'm not being silly; it just didn't feel right to be there without you. It was your band remember? Truth be told, very few things feel right without you. Me and Liz talking after closing The Crashdown doesn't feel right, having lunch in the quad doesn't feel right and…and..laughing and..smiling doesn't feel right without you there. Why did you leave us Alex? Why..why can't you comeback? Why couldn't one of the aliens have a power where they twitched their noses and turned back time? Why couldn't I say goodbye?…..  
  
I have to go Alex, Michael's here. Dammit, he's going to see me crying again. I don't know what I'm going to do with this. My mom didn't say what I should do with it. Well I wrote this for a reason right so I guess I should say it then. Ok..I love you Alex, I miss you, I'll miss you always..and I mean that and I didn't mean it when I said I was angry with you. I'm not, I swear...I never could be. I've got to go. I'll see you soon.  
  
Love and kisses forever!  
  
Maria  
  
Ps…goodbye Alex...be safe until I see you again. 


	3. Love Tess

A Letter To Alex…Love Tess  
  
AUTHOR: Sunnycouger  
  
E-MAIL ME AT: sunnycouger@yahoo.co.uk  
  
RATING: As low as it gets without being horizontal...we'll say PG for arguments sake but probably lower.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: This is REALLY important people so please read!! This is based on rumours about future episodes but none of it is set in stone. If you don't want to know what these rumours are then I suggest you DON'T read this story. I don't want any of you to be spoiled.  
  
DISCLAIMER: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...  
  
DISTRIBUTION: If you want to put this story on to another site (please do!) will you please, please, PLEASE let me know first. Thanx!  
  
  
  
SPOILERS: Based on rumours about the episodes Cry Your Name and It's Too Late And It's Too Bad. Last chance to not read it if you don't want to know!  
  
Hey Alex,  
  
Bet I'm the last person you expected to hear from aren't I? Why am I even bothering you I bet you're asking yourself…truth be told you can blame Maria…or a bit more accurately, Maria's mom. See she came round to see us, I mean to see Jim, and she mentioned that she had got Maria to write to you. She said that she thought it would help her say stuff…that maybe she wishes she would have said earlier. Like stuff she should have said before it was too late. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't suppose I'm making much sense to you…hell I'm not making much sense to myself let alone to you. I guess why I'm writing this Alex is because…I still have things to say; things I should have said before.  
  
Wow, this is hard. I know what you're probably thinking: "this isn't the same Tess Harding that screwed up everyone's life is it?" Is that still what you think of me? You know:  
  
"Oh Oh here comes Tess "destiny, destiny" Harding…quick hide before she messes up our lives again!"  
  
I hope that you eventually saw past that. I think you did, I think you saw that I was just a girl with a..a genetic quirk I guess you could say. I didn't know the harm I was doing when I first came, I didn't really care then. I do now though, I know that I hurt all my friends when I showed up here. Were we friends Alex? Are we friends? I think you were my friend..i could trust you with my life I know that but..what did you think of me? Will I always be the girl that always walked in on you and Isabel (believe me when I say that MOST of that was accidental) or will I be the girl that broke Liz's heart? Will you always see me as the manipulator that came here on a mission and to hell with the consequences of you, Liz, Maria, and Kyle? For some reason, I don't..feel..like that's how you see me. I think you see me as a scared girl, with hopes and dreams like all of you, but also with memories of a life that isn't mine with a man that I don't want to love. Do you understand that I hate the stupid destiny word as much as you all? Maybe not, I don't know if any of you really understand me yet...maybe if we had a little more time you would have really liked me. Maybe as much as I liked you.  
  
You know I wasn't prepared for feeling this way, I knew that one day it would happen...to us all, I mean when we get right down to basics, we are all still human. Well, mostly human. But the thing is I wasn't ready for it to be so soon, or for it to feel like this. When I lost Nasedo, it hurt. For all intents and purposes he was my dad, albeit he wouldn't have won Father of the Year, but he was the one that looked after me. Anyway, it hurt but, in a way I knew that it would eventually happen because we were always hunted..what I mean is that I knew I would lose him and I was a little prepared. I don't know if that sounds right but I knew that one day he wouldn't be able to come back to look after me. I was kinda ready for it.  
  
I wasn't prepared for this though, no one was. I don't even know how to explain this..feeling I have. I feel...empty. Not hollow but like there's something missing, like there's something not right. I realised what it was..it was you. I guess I miss you and I hurt because you're not here. We never really knew each other that well and I regret that. I regret a lot of things that I should have done sooner..and things that I shouldn't have done at all.  
  
I cannot believe I'm even doing this, bearing my soul in a letter to you. This whole thing was a stupid idea. I should go. Actually no, no I can't go yet. I need to ask you something Alex and..and I want you to be truthful...please, even if you think it'll be hard to hear. Is it my fault that this happened Alex? Did it happen because of me? Did I somehow do this to you? No, I'm not being paranoid Alex, it's just...if I hadn't come to Roswell, they wouldn't have found out how to work the stupid orbs, which wouldn't have alerted the skins and the clones about us and..and you know, you would..still be here. Right? Did I..did I ruin your life, all of your lives, just by showing up? Would the 6 of you still be alive and well, playing out your relationships if I wasn't here? You would all be able to be high school kids again without me here. Would Kyle be dating some blonde bimbo cheerleader totally oblivious to who we are and still quietly pining for Liz. He wouldn't know anything and he wouldn't be in danger anymore...I was so scared that something had happened to him when you two disappeared. I..I don't know how I'd cope if something happened to him especially if he didn't know that I'm in lov...no. No! I don't love him, I care for him, he's my best friend and I love him as a friend..that's all. I'm not in love with him...I'm supposed to love Max...not a human.  
  
And you're supposed to be here.  
  
You know that everyone's doing ok don't you? I'm not going to bore you with a rundown but it was hard at first, for us all, but especially for Isabel, Maria and Liz. Liz, still hasn't really accepted it I don't think. She thinks you were trying to tell her something with that code thing. Were you? It doesn't really matter I don't think. Not now. I can't really resent her and Max being together now after everything she's been through. I wish I was closer to her, maybe I would have been able to help. Can I tell you something that I really want? I wish..I wish that they would all talk to me about the important stuff. I don't just mean "oh no an alien!" or "show me how to do this with my powers." I mean the important stuff..like, what they dream or what they feel. Or stuff they done when they were 10 and the silly stuff they used to do with their parents. Max talks to me a lot but not about any of that stuff..that stuff he keeps to himself or he tells Liz. He never tells me. Kyle is the only one that tells me everything, more or less, he knows more about me than even my apparent "destiny" does. I guess we all connect with some people easier than we do with others, Kyle and me, Max and Liz, Maria and Michael, Isabel and you. What a group of people. What a group of...friends. Together: unbeatable. That's how it felt...even if it was only for a little while.  
  
Oh oh, I hear the Valenti men, back from where ever they were. I better finish this before Kyle comes in so he won't see what I've been up to. He'd hate to know I was crying here by myself so he doesn't have to know. He has to know somethings but this has to be private; he can't stop this pain and I don't think I want him to...it means I'm normal right? I know things will be great for us all Alex...eventually. We all just need time. Even me.  
  
I've got to Alex but I hope that you maybe know me a little better now. I just wish that I knew what you thought of me. Someday, we'll meet up again and you'll tell me what you really think of me ok? That's a date then! (But don't tell Isabel, I think she would start to hate me again.) Be safe Alex, and keep an eye out for us all. We all need a friend..especially me.  
  
Bye Alex.  
  
Love,  
  
Your friend.  
  
Tess. 


	4. Love Liz

A Letter To Alex…Love Liz  
  
AUTHOR: Sunnycouger  
  
E-MAIL ME AT: sunnycouger@yahoo.co.uk  
  
RATING: As low as it gets without being horizontal...we'll say PG for arguments sake but probably lower.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: This is REALLY important people so please read!! This is based on rumours about future episodes but none of it is set in stone. If you don't want to know what these rumours are then I suggest you DON'T read this story. I don't want any of you to be spoiled.  
  
DISCLAIMER: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...  
  
DISTRIBUTION: If you want to put this story on to another site (please do!) will you please, please, PLEASE let me know first. Thanx!  
  
  
  
SPOILERS: Based on rumours about the episodes Cry Your Name and It's Too Late And It's Too Bad. Last chance to not read it if you don't want to know!  
  
Hi Alex,  
  
Well, this is certainly new. I don't usually write to other people- everything I write is usually in my journal...this feel's wrong in a way. Of course it feels wrong because I should be able to call you up and tell you this but since I can't do that...this will have to do. How are you? Things here are going ok, you know...stumbling along - life goes on right? That's what they say- no matter how bad things are you have to keep going. If you go far enough the pain eventually..it's supposed to stop. That's right isn't it? Do you know how far I'll have to go Alex for that to happen? It's hard to see any of us lasting that long. It's hard to see me lasting too much longer...but I will. I promise you I will.  
  
I keep asking myself why? You know I'm a science geek- you and Maria made fun of me often enough about that. And like all science geeks- I like answers...I need answers for this Alex. Why did it happen? Why did you have to leave? What did you mean with the message you left me? Why was it important? Will you ever tell us? Everyone thinks I'm crazy thinking that you left something important behind, I don't talk to them about it anymore. I'll work it out though Alex..I swear to you I will. I don't know why I find it so important; that's a lie, I do know. I think..no. Think is the wrong word, I know it's crazy. But I feel..I hope that if I work this out then it will all be over, and it will be some...misunderstanding. God, that sounds lame. What I mean is that if I work on this and it turns out to be some crazy evil alien "hoax"...you'd come back..right? It wouldn't be real and you would be here. That's possible isn't it? Oh god...seeing it on paper...I sound so..pathetic. It sounds like I can't accept it..I guess I can't.  
  
It's just, this doesn't feel like it was supposed to happen..there must be another reason this happened.  
  
My mom and dad miss you. My dad says that he feels weird not seeing you sitting at the counter waiting on Maria and me to finish our shifts..he feels weird? He should try being Maria or me. Hey, do you remember that time when we were..I don't know 11 or 12 and we "broke into" the Crashdown in the middle of the night? You, Maria and me decided to have a mid night snack when my parents were in bed. We couldn't work anything but we wanted a milkshake so we decided that it would be easy 'cause we had seen it done so often. I remember after a dozen failed attempts my mom and dad came down looking for burglars and found us with these extravagantly flavoured milkshakes all over the place.... and all over us. We were determined we could create a new flavour, do you remember? Maria had banana and strawberry, you had chocolate and strawberry and I tried a vanilla and strawberry. Uggh, I still feel ill thinking about it...we were all sick for days and we were forced to clean the whole place everyday after school for a week...I can't believe me and Maria still decided to work there after that. Come to think about it, I'm not surprised that you stuck to soda after that, it should have put us all off milkshakes for life.  
  
The Crashdown...the place we spent most of our time...it's not the same with you not here. We haven't really eaten at there in a while...it's still too strange. It's too strange for all of us.  
  
Hey, do you want some good news? Well, kinda good news. Tess and me have been getting on a lot better recently. She..has actually been really sweet to me and Maria. She..it's hard to hate her now. Even though I know she's still trying to get her claws into Max...I think. I don't know, sometimes I see her with Kyle and I see how good they are for each other and then she gives Max this look that shows how much she wants him. I don't know what she's thinking; maybe you've got a better insight. What does Tess Harding want in life? Do you know that Max and me got back together, are you surprised? I umm, I told him about the whole "future" thing. He took it well..I think. It feels so right with us together..it's so hard to explain. He, he makes me feel invincible, like he won't let anything hurt me again. I really needed to feel like that. He's still worried about Isabel; she didn't take it well. She's seemed a lot better recently though, but every now and then you'll look at her and she'll just be "different". Then a second later and she'll look fina again. You'd be able to tell when it was an act though wouldn't you? You could see right past her defences...she trusts you with her heart. She hasn't really spoken to anyone else about how she's feeling. She doesn't realise that we can't help her if she doesn't let us in.  
  
Maria had a hard time dealing with it at first. Michael actually helped her through it..they two are solid at the moment. Finally. Nothing's going to come between them in a while...hopefully. She wouldn't be able to handle it I don't think. Truth be told, I don't think I've been much of a friend to her recently. She's needed me and i..I haven't really been around for her. I'll fix that soon though, life's too short for regrets..right? That's what I keep telling myself. That's why I told Max the truth…if I lost him and he didn't know I would hate myself. I sometimes think that maybe, if I hadn't changed things like I did, everything would be good. If I had been honest with Max earlier or if we had taken our chances with the cards we had been dealt without trying to change things..maybe, just maybe things would have been different. Don't you think? I wish I could turn back time, I would have done so much differently. I would never have lied to you..EVER. I would never have jeopardised our friendship for anything. For anyone! I would have made sure you knew how much I needed you…you always made me feel better. You always made us all feel better. Who's going to do that now? No one will ever be you!  
  
Dammit, I better go it's nearly time for school. The thought of that place is horrible; I can't wait until summer comes. I need to escape from here for a few weeks…I think we all do. Where do you think we should go? Anywhere but Vegas again! I'm still recovering from the first trip! I've got to go but I still have so much I want to say, it's just hard to find the words. I'm sure you know. Don't you?  
  
I have to go Max is here. I promise you I'll find out what you wanted me to know Alex and...I know I didn't really treat you like it all the time but you really were one of the most important people in my life. I really miss you. I always will!  
  
Everyday.  
  
Forever.  
  
I'll speak to you soon, look after yourself!  
  
Love you forever  
  
Liz  
  
xxx 


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